As far back as my mind can see, I have found peace in solitude. A wallflower in the dance of life. Silence is my favorite sound and art is my confidante.
Through my years I have been questioned on my way of life, lampooned for being me. I have no answers other than – ‘This is just who I am’. I have attempted in the past, to mend my flawed soul, but each time among millions, I still find myself alone.
I try to reach out, I try to be like them, but it never feels right, stepping into their realm. A million thoughts flood my mind. Self-doubt consumes me. I remember feeling like this, as far back as my mind can see.
What is it about me that isn’t right? What is it that they see? I can’t look them in the eye. I wish it were really that easy. They think I’m weird, I can see it in their eyes, a loner trying too hard, it’s honestly not a surprise.
I put on my cloak and head back home, knowing I’ve failed another day. Although within me is a relief, I wouldn’t have it any other way.
“Try harder, they always say, “Don’t be the way you are”. Every single time, those words left a scar.
“ENOUGH!”, I said to myself. You are who you are and you needn’t be any other way. It’s your life. They don’t have a say.
I don’t want to fit in anymore, I don’t even want to try. For I know across the vast world, hidden away from its noise, tears drop from reassured eyes. Smiles travel across the faces, of those of us who find warmth in our loneliness.
Don’t be pressured to be part of the noise, you don’t have to speak if you don’t want to. Love yourself and you be you.
Blog by Priya D’Silva.
M.A. in Sociology
B.A. in Sociology
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