When it comes to relationships, there is a particular word that begins to come around quite often much like an unwanted guest – “adjustment”. What I’ve noticed is, that nobody usually cares to elaborate on what exactly comes under the category of adjustable.
Where must one draw the line? who decides where we must make adjustments and where we need not?. More often than not, it is not the people in the relationship. Society keeps gifting you it’s ideology whether you want it or not, much like that outfit gifted by an over enthusiastic relative that you don’t quite like but wear anyway because you’re pressurized into it.
People are sometimes expected to take on a completely different personality in a relationship under the name of adjustment. I love tea. If you ask me, making my tea and an extra cup of coffee for the husband, is an adjustment. Him being an air-con addict and still turning it off so I don’t freeze to death is an adjustment. Changing who you are completely just to keep a relationship from suffocating is not.
Unfortunately, a lot of people fail to see the distinction between an adjustment and an unrealistic expectation.
Nobody wants their relationship to fail. They keep glueing the pieces together only for them to fall apart again. The thing about relationships is that sometimes, they fail. They’re not meant to be, and that’s alright. You don’t have to sacrifice a whole life of dreams in order to keep the illusion of perfection alive.
Holding a relationship together isn’t the sole purpose of life. As opposed to popular belief, strong and successful relationships DO NOT require struggles and one-sided adjustment. They are balanced, they breathe freely and move ahead smoothly. If your relationship is suffocating you, you’re probably in the wrong one, or have outgrown it.
Successful relationships have boundaries that are respected by both partners, and consist of mutual respect and support. Being asked to change the way you look, the way you live, to leave a job, to focus on things that do not interest you at all, being constantly put down for who you are or being made to feel alone are never signs of a healthy relationship.
I understand that different relationships have different ingredients. Not everybody is the same. But with all these differences, one thing remains the same in every successful relationship – that both partners are equal.
Successful relationships require a certain level of open mindedness, so as to be able to understand, accept and respect each other’s differences.
And as for where the line must be drawn; and how much is too much – that is completely your decision. A relationship consists of the people IN the relationship and must be nurtured and handled only by those in it. Outside opinions and advice, now matter how well intentioned, aren’t really required and often cause more damage than repair.
If you happen to be at a point in your relationship, where you feel unsure or pressurized and feel a lack of the emotional outcome you initially had, or expected to have, take a step back and think about what makes you feel that way. Every now and then in life, we encounter a crossroad, where we must pause for a bit and think about the path we want to take.
Your life is yours and only yours and you have every right to live it in a way that results in the highest level of happiness for yourself.
So, when will it be too much? Whenever YOU decide that it’s too much.
Blog by Priya D’Silva
M.A. in Sociology
B.A. in Sociology
© 2020 ALL RIGHTS RESERVED
This blog is in no way a substitute for medical advice. All opinions here are based on personal experience and may not apply to or resonate with everyone. You alone and no one else are the best judge of your condition and the severity of it. Do not hesitate get medical advice and treatment from a certified medical professional if needed to lead a happier and healthier life.